Why Do the French Double Kiss? Understanding La Bise
As an American traveler, you might find yourself in a social situation in France and suddenly face a pair of cheeks, only to be met with two, or even four, light pecks. This is "la bise," the French cheek kiss, and it can be a bit perplexing for those of us accustomed to handshakes or a hug. So, why do the French double kiss? The short answer is: it's a cultural norm deeply ingrained in their social fabric, a way of expressing warmth, politeness, and camaraderie. But let's dive deeper into the nuances of this common French greeting.
What Exactly IS La Bise?
La bise is not a passionate kiss. It's a gesture of greeting and farewell, typically exchanged between friends, family members, and acquaintances. It involves touching cheeks and making a kissing sound, usually two times, though the number can vary. The actual kiss doesn't land on the cheek; it's more of a light brush of the lips near the cheek, accompanied by the sound.
The Origins: A History of Affection and Greeting
The exact origins of la bise are somewhat debated, but it's believed to have evolved from ancient Roman greetings. In Roman times, people would kiss each other on the cheek as a sign of trust and friendship. This practice continued through the Middle Ages and eventually became a widespread custom across Europe. In France, it solidified as a standard way to greet someone, particularly outside of very formal settings.
Why Two Kisses? The Mystery of the Number
This is where it gets interesting and often confusing for Americans. The number of kisses in la bise is not universal across France. It can vary from one to four, with two being the most common in many regions. There's no strict rule, and it often depends on:
- Regional Differences: Some regions have established customs. For example, in Paris, two kisses are standard. In other areas, like Provence, it might be three or even four.
- The Relationship Between the Individuals: Closer friends and family might exchange more kisses, though this is not a hard and fast rule.
- Personal Preference: Ultimately, if there's no established regional norm, individuals might just go with what feels natural.
The common consensus for "why two?" is that it's simply the established custom in many areas and offers a balanced exchange of affection. It's not necessarily symbolic of anything specific, but rather a rhythmic and polite gesture.
When Do You Do La Bise?
La bise is generally reserved for:
- Greeting and Saying Goodbye: You'll see it when people meet and when they part ways.
- Social Gatherings: At parties, dinners, or any informal social event.
- Friends and Family: This is the most common context.
- Colleagues (Sometimes): In more relaxed workplaces, especially if colleagues are also friends, la bise might be exchanged. However, in very formal or hierarchical business environments, it's less common, and handshakes are more likely.
Important Note: You typically do NOT do la bise with someone you've just met in a formal business context, or with someone significantly older or in a position of authority unless they initiate it. In these situations, a handshake is the appropriate greeting.
How Do You Do La Bise? A Step-by-Step Guide for Americans
Navigating la bise can feel like a dance. Here's a breakdown:
- Initiation: Often, the person arriving or the person who knows the other better will initiate. If someone offers their cheek, reciprocate!
- Approach: Lean in slightly.
- Cheek Touch: Gently touch your cheek to the other person's cheek. It’s important not to make actual lip contact with their skin.
- The Sound: Make a light kissing sound.
- The Turn: Turn your head to the other side and repeat the cheek touch and sound.
- Right or Left First?: This is another area of variation. In many places, people start with the right cheek. However, there's no definitive rule, and you'll often just follow what the other person does. It’s best to mirror their movement.
- Don't Overthink It: If you're unsure, observe others, or simply offer your right cheek and see what happens. Most French people are understanding of foreigners not being familiar with the custom.
Key Differences from American Greetings
In American culture, greetings are often more direct and less physically intimate in casual settings. A handshake is the default for introductions, and hugs are usually reserved for close friends and family. La bise, with its cheek-to-cheek contact and kissing sound, can feel more intimate than an American handshake. The perceived "double" aspect can also be a point of confusion, as Americans are used to a single, decisive action when greeting.
La Bise in a Social Context
Think of la bise as a social lubricant. It's a way to bridge the gap between strangers and friends, to acknowledge someone's presence, and to show you're happy to see them. It contributes to the generally warm and sociable atmosphere often associated with French culture. It’s less about romantic intent and more about polite social connection.
If you're invited to someone's home in France, or if you meet new people in a social setting, be prepared to offer and receive la bise. It's a sign of acceptance into their social circle. While it might feel a little awkward at first, embracing this custom can greatly enhance your experience and your interactions with French people.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How many kisses are exchanged in la bise?
The number of kisses can vary, but two is the most common in many regions of France, including Paris. Some areas might have three or even four. It can also depend on the relationship between the individuals and local customs.
Why do they touch cheeks instead of actually kissing?
La bise is a stylized greeting. The actual kiss is more of an implied gesture. The emphasis is on the sound and the light touch of cheeks, which signifies warmth and politeness without being overly intimate. It's about the gesture itself, not a literal kiss on the skin.
When is it appropriate to offer la bise?
La bise is generally used when greeting or saying goodbye to friends, family, and acquaintances in social settings. It's also common at parties and gatherings. In more formal business situations or with someone you've just met in a professional capacity, a handshake is usually more appropriate, unless they initiate la bise.
What if I don't want to do la bise?
While it's a common custom, you are not obligated to participate if you are uncomfortable. If you're in a situation where it's offered and you don't wish to reciprocate, a polite handshake or a verbal greeting is acceptable. However, if you're in France for an extended period and want to integrate, learning and participating in la bise can be a rewarding experience.
