The Art of the French Greeting: What to Say (and Not Say) When Kissing Cheeks
When Americans think of French greetings, the image of a cheek kiss often comes to mind. It's a quintessential part of French culture, a warm and familiar gesture that signifies a degree of closeness and politeness. But for those unfamiliar with the custom, a common question arises: What do the French actually say when they kiss cheeks? The short answer might surprise you: often, they say nothing at all.
The act of "la bise" (pronounced "la beez") is a social ritual, and like many rituals, its meaning and execution are often unspoken and learned through observation and participation. It's less about verbal pleasantries and more about the gesture itself.
Understanding "La Bise"
"La bise" is not a romantic kiss. It's a platonic greeting and farewell, used between friends, family, and even acquaintances in a social setting. The number of kisses can vary significantly depending on the region of France, and even the specific social circle.
Regional Variations in "La Bise"
This is where things can get a little confusing for the uninitiated. While there's no single "correct" number of kisses, here are some general guidelines:
- Two kisses: This is the most common number in many parts of France, particularly in Paris and the north. One kiss on each cheek.
- Three kisses: Found in some regions, like Burgundy and Alsace. The pattern can vary, but often it's right cheek, left cheek, then right cheek again.
- Four kisses: Less common, but seen in some areas. Again, the pattern can differ.
- One kiss: This is rare in a typical greeting context, but might occur in more formal or specific situations.
It's important to note that these are generalizations, and individual preferences and family traditions can influence the number of kisses.
So, What's the Verbal Component?
As mentioned, the "bise" is primarily a non-verbal exchange. However, there are certain greetings that often accompany the gesture, depending on the context and the relationship between the individuals:
- "Bonjour" (Good day/hello): This is the most common and versatile greeting. It's used when meeting someone during the day.
- "Bonsoir" (Good evening): Used when greeting someone in the evening.
- "Salut" (Hi/Bye): A more informal greeting, used between friends and people of similar age or social standing. This can be used for both arrival and departure.
- "Au revoir" (Goodbye): The standard farewell, used when leaving.
Crucially, these greetings are typically said *before* or *after* the cheek kisses, not simultaneously with them. The kisses are an addition to the verbal greeting, not a replacement for it. Imagine shaking someone's hand and saying "hello" at the same time; it's a similar dynamic.
Navigating the "Bise" as an Outsider
If you're visiting France or interacting with French speakers, the best approach is to observe and follow suit. Here are some tips:
- Wait for them to initiate: Don't be the first to offer a cheek kiss unless you're very certain of the social context.
- Mirror their action: If they lean in for a kiss, you should too. Pay attention to which side they lean their head first, as this can indicate the starting cheek.
- Don't overthink it: The French are generally forgiving of foreigners who aren't perfectly familiar with their customs. A slight awkwardness is usually met with understanding.
- If in doubt, a handshake is acceptable: While less common in social settings, a handshake is a safe bet if you're unsure.
It's also worth noting that the "bise" is not typically performed with strangers in very formal settings, such as a business meeting with someone you've never met. In such cases, a handshake is the norm.
The Sound of the Kiss
Sometimes, a very light "smack" sound can be heard, but this is not a deliberate action. It's more of an incidental sound that can occur when cheeks touch. It's not something you're expected to replicate or even notice.
When Not to "Bise":
- With a stranger you've just met in a formal context.
- In a business meeting unless initiated by the other party and you are in a more relaxed business culture.
- When someone offers a handshake.
- If you are unwell.
The "bise" is a beautiful cultural expression of warmth and connection. While the verbal component might be minimal, the gesture itself speaks volumes. Embrace the experience, observe those around you, and you'll quickly find your footing in this charming French tradition.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How many kisses are standard when greeting in France?
The number of cheek kisses, known as "la bise," varies by region and social circle. The most common is two kisses, one on each cheek. However, some areas use three or even four. It's best to observe what others do or wait for your host to initiate.
Why do French people kiss cheeks as a greeting?
"La bise" is a cultural tradition that signifies warmth, familiarity, and politeness. It's a way of acknowledging someone's presence and fostering social connection. It's a platonic gesture used among friends, family, and acquaintances.
What do I say when kissing cheeks in France?
Typically, you don't say anything specifically *during* the kiss itself. You would say a greeting like "Bonjour" (hello) or "Salut" (hi) before or after the cheek kisses. The verbal greeting accompanies the physical gesture.
What if I'm unsure about doing the cheek kiss?
If you're unsure about initiating or participating in "la bise," it's perfectly acceptable to wait for the other person to initiate. If they extend their hand for a handshake, reciprocate with a handshake. Observing your surroundings and following the lead of the French people you're with is usually the safest and most respectful approach.
